Sunday, June 10, 2018

Chainsaw Alice in Ooverdare



Alice woke me up at 4am out of a dead sleep, saying that she wanted to tell me what had just happened. For a chrononaut she had terrible timing.

Chainsaw Alice in Ooverdare

There was a sad little man who lived a sad little life.

He wasted his time hating. Hating everyone, hating everything. Hating kings, and hating queens, and hating cats, and hating cards, and hating secret breakfasts, and hating quiet sunsets, and hating games, and hating fun, and hating love, and hating hate.

After many adventures across many worlds, Alice had retreated to the wondrous rolling hills of Ooverdare. Not retired, mind you. For a chrononaut, the expression, "a time and place for everything" was very, very literal. Right now, at this time, at this place, was her everything. No past, no future, only right now. Retreat, repast, recover. Unwind, don't rewind. She could change her past if she wanted to, but you cannot. Besides, why would she want to? If she did, then she would not be the she that she is today. Good, bad, or sideways, she liked herself just the way she was.

Now, the sad little man had taken to calling himself Fateweaver. And everyone told him it was a very good name. A powerful name. A meaningful name. A presentient name. But it wasn't, not for him at least.

Fateweaver hated time, thus he hated Alice. He believed, incorrectly, that since she was a chrononaut, that she had all the time in the world. He wanted to take all her time since he had wasted all his time. Then he would have all the time for all the hate that he loved to share with everyone.

But how to steal time from a chrononaut? "Eureka! I will gather an army of time trolls from the depths of all the darkest worlds, and they will have the power to take all her time!" he declared to himself. And so he did. Big time, small time, even trolls who really had no time at all; they all made time, to hate with Fateweaver. They marched under his false flag that flew low and flapped frantically as they crossed the spidery-legged terrain, up and down, over and around, a million creepycrawlies, predators of the dateshifter.

They hurled rocks, and axes, and barbed comments at her cozy cottage. "Why must they always attack at tea time?" Alice wondered. She slipped on her boots and walked outside.

With a wave of her hand, time stood still. But with this many trolls, it would not last long. Time was a slippery thing, and it marches on, whether or not she or anyone else wants it to.

"The price of peace is peace." Alice went to find out who was in charge of this blunderous undertaking.

She found Fateweaver. The little man in the big hat. His pride was not hidden but displayed. She unfroze him. "Tag. You're it. Now what is your game?"

"I hate games," he replied. "And I hate time, and you are having the time of your life, so I hate you. I will take all your time."

"Did you honestly believe that time trolls could harm me? I knew they were coming before they did. I used their own time against them. And it takes me no time at all. You see, I simply ignore them, and they are not there. I have no time for them and they burn up all their time." The trolls all vanished. Gone without a trace.

"What?!" exclaimed Fateweaver in confusion. "Where have all the time trolls gone?"

"You cannot waste my time, but you are testing my patience." She spun him around and he fell to the ground.

"I have come undone." He sat bedraggled, moping.

"My time is my own. No one can take it from me. But I share it with who I choose. Good day to you."

"I need to get some more-comfortable shoes," she thought to herself. What was that phrase again? "With enemies like these, who needs cupcakes?" This girl, that's who.




Thursday, May 17, 2018

Trauma Tarot


The Trauma Tarot is the official divination deck of the First United Church of Cthulhu.  Draw a card, that is what is weighing on your subconscious mind, traumatizing your essence, tearing apart the fabric of your very being.  This is where you need to focus your spiritual work.

All the art is from Alfred Kubin, a tortured soul who saw nightmarish visions, tentacle monstrosities, and infinite hellscapes decades before Lovecraft had his similar experiences.  Kubin is one of the Oculi ~ an artist, a seer, a person who has encountered the chaos and madness of the unseen realms and brought those images to life in our world ~ a beautiful, terrible warning of what lies beyond, or just behind a dream.


Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Run by a couple of the founding priest and priestesses of Cthulhu.
Cokocon is combining Coppercon and Conkopelli to create a science fiction and fantasy convention.
Aug 31 - Sep 3 2018

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Weekend Overtime - 12 Days On, 2 Days Off


Sunday overtime.  Loverboy was wrong - nobody's working for the weekend, except me.  I tell ya, trading away your life for a few extra bucks really grinds on you sometimes.  The only reason I take any time off is when I have my kids every other weekend.  Gotta jam in every last extra hour of overtime while it's available.

Because the only goal I have is to get a physical location for the First United Church of Cthulhu.  I got my house for a really good price after the banks crashed the housing market.  And since they've been artificially inflating the value of homes, I have a massive amount of equity built up.  If I can find a good warehouse property without too many psychotic Alice Cooper homeless types from The Prince of Darkness wandering around (yes, that is a problem here) or maybe a nice commercial property in a strip mall, next to a strip bar; then I can sell my house, use the equity to get a decent property, and have a 15 ft statue of Cthulhu made (industrial 3D printers can go up to 60 ft!).

And you're going to love the rest of the build out.  The church will became a one-of-a-kind worldwide destination.  And when your coworkers ask what you did over the weekend, you'll be able to tell them, "I went to the live goat sacrifice and BBQ of Shub-Niggurath at the First United Church of Cthulhu."  It might take a few months, it might take a few years, but it will all be worth it in the end.

Saturday, May 5, 2018

My Kids Quit Star Wars - Has Disney Lost the Next Generation?


My kids have quit Star Wars.  

My son is 12 and my daughter is 10.  They loved the original trilogy.  They only saw parts of the prequel trilogy, but played a bunch of the video games based on them, saw the animated Clone Wars film, and watched a ton of the Clone Wars animated series when it was on Cartoon Network.

But now, they could care less, they've moved on.


After Star Wars - The Force Awakens, "They killed Han Solo.  That's bull crap.  Chewbacca would have chased Kylo Ren and killed him.  This is stupid!"


My son went to see Star Wars - The Last Jedi with his aunt.  Afterwards, he told me, "Dad, you're gonna hate this movie.  They made Luke a grumpy old man.  He quits being a jedi.  Luke wouldn't give up.  He'd fight.  This is stupid!"  I was glad to see that the bullshit Rian Johnson pulled with the film wasn't flying with the little kids, either.

After hearing about Luke from her brother, and with the death of Carrie Fisher, my daughter didn't want me to take her to see it.  "They killed Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, and the real Princess Leia died so she won't be coming back in the next one.  I don't care anymore."  She always liked Leia more than Rey.


Me:  "They're making a Star Wars TV series!"
Them:  "It will probably be bad like the new movies."


Me:  "Hey!  The new Han Solo movie is coming out in a few weeks."
Them:  "That's not Han Solo!  That guy doesn't look or sound like Han Solo at all."
Me:  "But it's got Chewbacca in it.  It's about when Han and Chewie were young."  And Chewbacca is my daughter's favorite character.
Them:  "We don't care.  Go see it without us."


And with that, my kids were done with Star Wars.  They and their friends only talk about Avengers, Fortnite and other video games, and some of the random Netflix shows and animes.  Star Wars no longer interests them.  Obviously, they are only a small sample of kids, but if this trend is the same throughout their age group, Disney may have lost the next generation of filmgoers.  The new trilogy has embittered young and old to the franchise, that and over saturation will "force" a decline in the public's overall interest.  And they will only be able to mine so much nostalgia out of the old characters before those who grew up with the original trilogy lose interest as well; plus the loss as their generation dies off.  It will stop being important to drink your prune juice out of an R2-D2 sippy cup.




Friday, May 4, 2018

Lovecraft's Dreamlands Map


I created this map of Lovecraft's Dreamlands for the story "Jangling the Silver Keys" in the anthology Kill Those Damn Cats - Cats of Ulthar Lovecraftian Anthology.  As I reread the various stories of what is called the Dream Cycle, Lovecraft's various Dreamlands stories, I noticed that all the maps that have been made were wrong!  Apparently the mapmakers either just pulled names from the stories or didn't bother to read them very well, unable to properly place cities as located by Lovecraft himself in the works; or they just don't know which way west is when the story says "west of Ulthar" for example.


The below map has all the extra places I added circled in red, because otherwise the map was very empty.




And you can check out Kill Those Damn Cats - Cats of Ulthar Lovecraftian Anthology at Amazon, available in paperback or eBook formats.







Saturday, March 31, 2018

Mass Eulogy for Death List + Memorial


You know it's a bad month when you have to make a list of all the people who passed away to make sure you haven't missed anyone. The greatest consolation is that they were all from natural causes, no suicides are other senseless loss of life.

I've never sugarcoated death. Their story has ended, but ours go on. They will always be an important chapter in our book of life. The past should be remembered, but not relived. Life is lived forward.


 
Kiara Miatosa - a kind heart and sweet smile.  A friend from the cosplay and steampunk community.  




Ken Murphy - just an all around good dude.  Open to people of all beliefs, we are undecided on if he is spending time listening to the pipers in Azathoth's court, singing ballads in the beer halls of Valhalla, or just chillin' with Buddha.



Wakako Kawagoshi-Fisher - possibly the most tragic passing.  Her husband, pictured with her, Hart Fisher is the founder of Boneyard Press who currently runs American Horrors, a streaming horror channel.  Their relationship was one which everyone aspires to but very few ever achieve.  Their love was evident and everpresent.



Then several other friends have each lost loved ones; a father, a mother, a childhood friend, another mutual friend, and several family pets. A few were upset at the loss of Stephen Hawking, but he kinda lost his mind at the end, raving about fearing aliens invading the earth or AI destroying humanity.


I will also include my April Memorial.  Two of the greatest people I have had the pleasure of knowing but have passed into the great beyond were both lost to the world in April, so it is a very somber and introspective time for me every year.  A time to reflect on the previous year and ask myself, "Did I enjoy it?  Did I at least accomplish something worthwhile?  Have I progressed towards the goals that I want to achieve with the limited time I have left on this planet?  Did I live my life to the fullest?"  If not, how do I rectify that.




Desiree Duponte - had an incredible passion for life and music, and damn could she shred!  Though I only knew her for a few years, it was like we had been lifelong friends.  I dedicated Got a Bad Case of the Horribly Wrongs to her, and her phenomenal musical talent was the inspiration for the guitarist priestess character Strawberry Cthcake.



Sid Copeland - proprietor of the punk bar Jughead's (now also gone).  After having Thanksgiving dinner with his actual flesh and blood family, he would open the bar and have Thanksgiving dinner with his punk family who didn't have anyone else to spend the holiday with or have anywhere else to go.  It was a free, full blown, serve yourself, turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes and yams from a can Thanksgiving dinner.  He did the same on Christmas Eve.  I and my friends broke bread and vodka with Sid quite a few times.  Sid was the heart of the punk community of that bygone era.

¡Viva Sid!